FAQ: Interview with Rev. Elaine
Please take a moment to read this before hiring Rev. Elaine.
How did you become a Living with Loss Specialist?
To answer this question, I have to tell you my story. I was widowed at the age of 42. My husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly. We were married for 17 years and together for 20 years. We had 3 daughters for whom I was now solely responsible. I felt victimized, cheated, powerless, overwhelmed, stressed-out, underqualified, angry, lost, unlovable, and had no sense of who I was anymore. I was so defined as part of a couple, who was I now that I was alone? I was also unemployed with no health insurance as Brad carried the family health plan. There was also no life insurance because it was something we had talked about doing but there was “still time”. After all, we were only in our early 40s. There still should have been plenty of time. So here I was, suddenly a single parent, with no income and all I could think about was when would I awaken from this nightmare?
My husband’s passing sent me on a quest for answers. I needed to know what the point to all of “this” was and I knew that I wanted to have a life but had no clue how to do it. I also knew that I needed to earn an income but did not want to be part of the corporate world any longer. I wanted to know that he was alright and yet I was so angry with him for leaving me. While I believed in God, I no longer felt an affiliation with any organized religion and to say I had “issues” with God at that point is an understatement.
I was truly blessed because I had the loving support of my family who led me by the hand to apply for all the government programs to which I was entitled. I had community support from the school and Brad’s company as well as my former employer – all of whom took up collections on my and my children’s behalf. Yet, with all of this outreach of support, I still felt so alone. I reached out to grief groups but none were a good fit. I wanted help but I wanted that help from someone who had been in my shoes. Someone who had walked this path, including all the questions I had pertaining to God and an afterlife.
I was fortunate enough to find an online community called Widownet. It was through this community that I learned I wasn’t alone. My feelings were validated and I could interact with others that were dealing with the same loss as me. While this site saved my sanity, there was still a part of me that longed for something more, someone to work with on a one to one basis. Someone who could be that “blanket” of support that Brad used to be. Someone who could be my cheerleader as I navigated this unchartered path in my life.
My quest for information and support led me to various courses of study. I learned about Mediumship, Energy Healing, Hypnotherapy and became ordained in the process. The initial intention was to have a healing center but then I discovered coaching. While listening to that preview call on coaching, chills went up and down my spine. I KNEW this is what I was meant to do. Afterall, in many ways, I have been a coach all of my life. People would always come and talk to me, telling me how easy I was to talk to and how much better they felt after speaking with me. I knew that I was being called to work with young widows and widowers like me as this was a void that desperately needed to be filled. My programs are a holistic approach, meaning I work with you on all aspects of body, mind and mindset, and soul/spirit. I can help you learn how to live with your loss and re-define who you are now and create the life of your dreams; thereby transforming a time of tragedy into a time of triumph!
So, are you saying you "cure" grief?
Absolutely not! Grief is not something that can be "cured". Grief is not an illness that can be treated and cured. Grief is an emotional reaction to an event or circumstance in your life that has caused a separation. What I am saying is that "active grief" can be healed to where you've learned how to live with the waves that will ebb and flow in your life. Grief is something that stays with you for the rest of your life but the intensity with which you grieve lessens over time. I give you various tools and techniques that help you to navigate the waves of grief.
Can you explain what you mean by "active grief"?
I'd be happy to explain my definition of "active grief." It is the time where your loss is like a nightmare from which you cannot awaken. You hurt all the time and I'm not just talking about the emotional pain but also the physical pain, which was what took me by surprise. I had no idea how much physical pain was involved in grief. I mean, of course, I experienced my share of loss over the years but none were so personal to me as the loss of my husband. His passing was such a more "intimate" loss...more so than the loss of a grandparent, etc....you know, the types of losses that, while they are sad, you expect them as the natural progression of life. Active grief is when your loss is the focal point of your day to day existence. You are simply going through the motions of life because you have to, or you're expected to, but there's no joy in it....no love felt...because your loss is all you can think about 24/7. You have no desire or ability to focus on your business which hurts your bottom line and is a disservice to your customers/clients. If you're a spiritually centered entrepreneur, this is something you cannot tolerate. You know you're meant to serve yet you feel so bruised and battered that you can't imagine being of use to anyone.
Does this mean you work with clients from the moment of their loss?
When to seek assistance with the grieving process is a very personal choice. When someone is in that very raw state of initial loss, that may not necessarily be the best time to seek out a program that is focused on getting you back into the joy of life. Now, that doesn't mean that those who are considered "raw" won't seek out assistance, and if they choose to do so, I would be more than happy to work with them. I had a client seek me out 1 month after her loss. The bottom line here is only you know when you are ready to get back into life.
Who are your clients?
My clients are spiritually centered entrepreneurs who struggle with life after the death of their spouse and are desperate to learn how to live with their loss and stay focused on their business.
What separates you from other grief coaches, counselors, social workers, etc.?
What makes me unique is my holistic approach to the grieving process which means I am working with body, mind and spirit. I am trained in various arenas and, being a widow myself, I can offer the support and validation that only those that have walked this path can offer. I have been where they are and am now where they want to be. I can show them how to live with their loss, focus on their business and still being gentle with themselves during their grieving process. They learn to trust themselves again, gain back their self-confidence and personal power and re-discover their joy and passion for life.
What type of personality do you work best with?
I work best with clients that are committed to living a joyful life. They are open to new ideas and concepts, are willing to stretch themselves and step outside their comfort zones for real growth and change. They assume complete responsibility for their lives and happiness and are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve their goals. They faithfully do their assignments between sessions and eagerly convey their experiences. They do not wallow in self pity or assume a victim mentality. They see tragedy as an opportunity for growth and transformation. I do not work well with people who see themselves as victims and look to lay blame on others. While I truly believe I can help anyone eventually, I do not wish to be seen as a "nag". The desire to be happy must come from within. I do not work with people that will fight me every step of the way, or those that need to be dragged "kicking and screaming".
What ways are available to work with you?
I offer various different programs both individually and group.
I invite you to
contact me to discuss your specific situation and needs FREE of charge!
How do I go about hiring you?
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